If you change the questions that do you change your life
All know the expression “the exception that confirms the rule“
But, and if we do the exception, of what works, the rule?, I explain me:
All tend to fix us in what it does not work in our life, when usually it is much more profitable focalizar ours attention in what if it works, (that many times it is the exception), and improve it.
Some time have heard to somebody euphoric in a bar, explain him in detail to a fellow something that exited him well, analysing as it achieved it to be able to repeat it, instead of speaking and re-create in something that exited him badly, that is used to to be the usual?
In his interesantísimo book “Changes the chip“, the brothers Heath explain several cases of people that convert the exception in the rule with amazing results:
- As the case of a doctor of a NGO in Vietnam that achieved, with an estimate bajísimo spectacular results showing to families desnutridas, like families of his same country, with the same limited economic resources, had children healthier. (Since these last fed better to his children, for example gave them to eat three or four times to the day, instead of two, - the same quantity of lunch delivered in several times -; or they dipped them to his children crabs that hunted in the river in the rice, instead of giving them to eat rice to dry, etc.)
- The book speaks of two vendors that sold much more that the rest of the commercial squad. The interesting, logically, is that the rest of the commercial squad copy what do the vendors that if they sell, to try reproduce his success
- Sure that is not of more than ask him to an alcoholic that does “the hour” that does not drink, to try that it do it with more frequency, and was more time without drinking.
When you find you with a fellow that does time that do not see, especially if your fellow is negative, do not ask him as it has gone him, but ask him that it is the best that has spent him from the last time that you have seen him; and, it depend the situation, ( for example in the annual meeting of a group with more friends ),ask him that it is the most fun that has spent him. With this simple question are obliging to your fellow, ( or to your friends) to focalizarse in the positive of his life, that is of what treats .
I knew to the porter of a house that would not have more than 25 years, and confessed me that it did not have neither idea that do with his life. I asked him on a concrete experience, that had lived in the last months, ( or years ),that had done him happy. It answered me: “help to some elderly with a problem in his heating “, and then suggested him that it studied something that had to see with being able to help to the prójimo that needs it, as for example Social Assistant. I do not have neither idea if I have me did case, but can ensure that it remained perplejo when I proposed it to him, since to him no had occurred him .
- If your marriage does not work, sure that it is not of more than analyse thoroughly what spends when you are well with your couple and do not argue.
By the way it has advised successfully, to the marriages with problems, that more than trying fix concrete differences very difficult to save among them, is better that learn to celebrate the good moments. For example, when your couple have achieved something important, is interesting that ask him a lot on this: that it explain you with all type of details as it produced this event, as it felt , that is to say ask him that it re-create it with all the possible details.
- Usually, it is much more productive that devote your time, and your energy, to improve what works, that all the contrary, that is to say try fix what does not work, and as you ask you the things has a lot that see in that you find positive and productive responses or, all the contrary.
One of the keys to be able to focalizarte in what it works is to ask you everything in positive:
For example if you are a vendor that sells little by the crisis, do not ask you. How it is that I do not sell ?, since this is a question in negative that subtracts, puts your mind in negative, and obtains a negative response. The only formula so that bandages more is that you ask you in positive, for example: what did the day/month/ that if I sold ?, and like this you put your head in positive.
I have fixed me that when in a trade comment me that it does not sell almost at all by the crisis and ask them that it is the only that if it sells , and then suggest them that they do a superpromoción of this, hardly ever answer me that it is a bad idea, come me to say that for trying it can not lose at all.
If you change “ your main question “, the one who have in your subconsciente and repeat you continuously of why am in crisis ?, by how it does it 10% “ “of the people / the companies, that are not in crisis ?. Have more possibilities to exit of the crisis
- The best form that have win to ask you in positive is that you induce you a state of positive spirit: doing what to you work you in this regard: hearing music, doing sport…etc
